The Cult of Sexyama

I know what you’re asking…. Sexyama? I’ve never heard of this name before…. does it have anything to do with Conor McGregor?

Well fear not! I am here to shine the light of ultimate sexiness upon your ignorant minds. I am here to illuminate you with the aura of pure sex appeal. I am here to evangelize. I am here to convert. And when I am done, you too, will be a disciple of the Most Sexy: Yoshihiro Akiyama.

sexyama spread

Born in 1975 in the land of the Gangnam Style, Sexyama first power slid out of his mother’s vagina, where his parents promptly christened him Yoshihiro Akiyama and Choo Sung-Hoon, because he was clearly too sexy to have only one name.

At the age of 3, Sexyama decided that being born sexy was a blessing, a genetic gift from God himself that the unwashed masses would no doubt be jealous of. Hence, he decided that he had to learn how to fight, and decided to take up the noble art of Judo; instantly raising the average sexiness level in the sport twofold.

At the age of 26, Sexyama won the 2001 Asian Judo Championships, representing South Korea, in the 81kg division. The following year, he again won gold at the 2002 Asian Games, this time representing Japan.

The First Setback

In 2003, at the World Judo Championships, Sexyama handily defeated three opponents from France, Mongolia, and Turkey to reach the semifinals. Blinded by jealousy and the sting of defeat, the scorned losers accused Sexyama of having a slippery gi (the judo uniform). Sexyama graciously changed his gi to a reserve one, however his mental state was perturbed by the jealousy and spitefulness of his defeated opponents, and he lost his subsequent matches. The referee director examined the accused gi and determined the slippery texture was due to the humidity of Osaka and detergent. What they left out was the little known fact that Sexyama’s body naturally gives out a thin layer of moisturizing liquid to keep his skin supple and smooth, always, 24/7, 365 days.

Yoshihiro Akiyama (JPN), OCTOBER 1, 2002 - Judo :  2002 Busan Asian Games, Men's 81kg class in Busan, South Korea. (Photo by Atsushi Tomura/AFLO SPORT)
Yoshihiro Akiyama (JPN), OCTOBER 1, 2002 – Judo : 2002 Busan Asian Games, Men’s 81kg class in Busan, South Korea. (Photo by Atsushi Tomura/AFLO SPORT)

MMA Career

Sexyama made his MMA debut on New Year’s Eve of 2005 at K-1, with an armbar submission over Francois Botha. Up until his UFC debut in 2009, Sexyama fought for promotions under the FEG group, which ran the K-1 and Heroes promotion. While he lost his second fight to Jerome Le Banner, he would then proceed to win 8 fights in a row (including armbarring Melvin Manhoef in a pure display of physical strength) until fighting the infamous Kazushi Sakuraba on NYE 2007.

akiyama weigh in

During the fight, Sakuraba, while a highly skilled fighter but no looker, was overcome with jealous at the visage of the Angel of Sex Appeal throwing the sexiest punches to his face, and he proceeded to accuse Sexyama of greasing mid-fight. The fight was ruled a ‘No Contest’. It was a ‘no contest’, alright, cause when it comes to sexiness, there is absolutely no contest.

akiyama ufc

Sexyama obtained a UFC contract in 2009, and won his debut against a game Alan Belcher in a split decision win in the Middleweight division. Unfortunately, Sexyama’s UFC career has been less than lustrous; following his debut win, he would go on to accumulate a four fight lose streak to Chris Leben, Michael Bisping, Vitor Belfort, and Jake Shields, with the fight with Shields being his first fight at welterweight.

akiyama-belcher-ufc-100

Subsequent to the Shields fight, which was in February 2012, Sexyama took a 2.5 year break, returning in September 2014 with a unanimous decision win over Amir Sadollah. After another year off, he returned in November 2015, unfortunately losing a split decision to Alberto Mina.

At this point, it is safe to say that Sexyama’s MMA career is in its twilight (a movie that Sexyama should have played the lead role) and I find it unlikely that he will be fighting much longer (his current record stands at 14-6-2), if at all, fortunately, Sexyama is now a

REALITY TV SHOW STAR!

That’s right Sexyama, together with his daughter is a star on the South Korean reality TV show The Return of Superman. His daughter (who he had with his wife, smoking hot babe Japanese fashion model Shiho Yano), was born in October 2011.

shiho-yano

Wikipedia summarizes the show:

Celebrity dads are left to care for their kids alone for 48 hours without the help of anyone, while their wives leave the home to enjoy some relaxing time off. The wives are shown leaving the home before the 48 hours begins and coming back to greet their family once the 48 hours have ended. During the 48 hours the dads and children are either doing a task the wives have written out for the dads to complete or the dads exploring new activities with their kids. Occasionally celebrity friends of the dads will stop by to interact with the kids.

Conclusion

Sexyama, successful MMA fighter, smoking hot person with a smoking hot wife. Reality show star.

JOIN THE CULT. I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS.

akiyama triple spread